Pax Lynde-ana

Until not too long ago, the chapters of my life story described one slightly humorous disaster after another. Once in college, I locked my keys in the car twice on the same day. When I was a cub reporter, I once I confused the names of cop and criminal and published a story accusing a state trooper of possessing crack cocaine. At the ripe old age of 23, I hit my head on a shelf and it left a scar right between my eyes. And who could forget the time I got on the wrong bus and ended up walking 1.5 miles to work in the rain?

In the past year, though, things have changed, and not by accident. With the inspiration of a few friends, the instruction of the Internet goddess FlyLady, and the motivation of my impending motherhood, I am starting to get It together. By It, I mean whatever it is that enables one to get through the day gracefully and in control. My mother-in-law has It. My BFF Kelly has It. My former teen Bible study leader, Janice Henry, has It. And I am finally starting to get It.

It is about letting go of perfection and allowing things to be good enough. It is about having the confidence to manage your affairs a little at a time and trusting they will all turn out OK in the end, instead of waiting to do anything until a crisis happens so you can play the hero. It is about extending yourself the same grace you give the people you love.

So, how do I know that I'm starting to get It? This morning, I looked in my weekend purse for my keys and couldn't find them. (My weekend purse is smaller and sparklier than the big ol' bucket bag I take to work during the week.) I looked on every surface of the house for my keys. I went out to the car to make sure I hadn't locked them in (I hadn't), then I came back in and retraced my steps from last night. Finally, I looked in my work purse, and there they were, right in the little side pocket with my lip gloss.

This is HUGE, people. It means that, at some point last night, I thought ahead to the next day, realized I would need my work purse, and put my keys right where they belonged for the upcoming situation. I don't even remember It. It. Just. Happened. And It is starting to happen more, all over the place.

I have not handed in a late homework assignment all year. In June, I sent a member of my family a birthday card on time. I watered all of PC's plants regularly while he was on vacation, and I remembered to give the dog his heartworm pill before PC did. The only downside to all of this grace and control is the lack of entertaining stories. It's like studying the Pax Romana in history class: "Everybody lived happily in their gorgeous homes....zzzzzzzzzzzz." There is a reason all the great stories are about war, not peace.

Oh, there's still plenty of war in my life, but it's all on the inside. The adoption has kneaded my heart and my head like dough. I remember my Aunt Jeanie teaching me to make bread a few years back. I thought I would could never get the dough to absorb the giant mound of flour she had poured out on the counter. Just when I thought I was done kneading, she would say, "Oh, I think you can get in a little bit more." That's how I picture God sometimes these days. I'm crying out, "Enough already!" and God responds, "Oh, I think you can take a little bit more." I sigh because I know, just like Aunt Jeanie, God's right. I can take it, especially now that I've freed up the chunk of my soul that was previously consumed with solving the crisis of the day.