Vivine rocks

Vivine took her guitar to school last week for Show and Tell. I think we have a starlet on our hands. She even gained a few fans. If you listen closely, you can hear one of her classmates say, "You Rock!" at the end of the song.

Precious

Sorry for the blogging drought, y'all. Being a new mom can be a bit overwhelming sometimes, ya know? Every time I sit down to write, all I can think about is how many times that day Vivine asked me for ice cream, or how she watched TV for an hour with her elbow jamming into my side, or how every time I walk into the next room she freaks and says, "Wait for me!" even if the next room is the bathroom. I don't want to focus only on the hard stuff. But at the end of the day sometimes I feel like all I did all day long is say, "NO!"

I didn't want to be a No-no Mom. I really try to say "no" only when I have to. Like when she wants to sit in the front seat and put her doll in her booster chair. Or when she wants to crouch on her haunches in the seat of a shopping cart like a little Humpty Dumpty. Or when she asks, for the 100th time, if we can go back to Target and buy the "big, big telephone" that she saw there two weeks ago. (It was a toy cell phone in a big, big plastic package.)

I'm resolving this week to just try to ignore the things that make me so tired and focus on the precious moments. Today Vivine and PC bought me flowers. Later on during the evening, Vivine said, out of the blue, "You're welcome, Mommy, flowers. Because I love you so much." In fact, Vivine can be just as determined in her displays of affection as she is in her demands for food, stuff and attention. You should've seen her run up the stairs today when she heard PC shut the front door on his way out to church. "Where's Papi going?" she said. And she ran outside to give him a hug before he left. The other day, she told me that she wanted to go buy lots of candy and send it to Haiti for her friends at House of Hope because they didn't get candy every day like she does. What a sweetheart!

Good news, accompanied by drama

Tonight we found out that Vivine's birth mom survived the earthquake. When we found out she was OK, I felt an enormous weight lifted off my heart. I don't think I realized how much it was bothering me. Thanks so much for your prayers and thoughts. God is so very good to our family!

With Papi gone for two nights, Vivine is doing her best to put Mommy in the loony bin test Mommy's limits. Today we went to one of those paint-your-own-ceramics places with some friends of mine. It was almost time to go, but I was still hanging around and chatting. Vivine got tired of waiting and just walked out the door of the store on her own. I brought her right back in the store and put her in time out in front of everyone. She took it like a big girl, until we got home. Then, when it was just the two of us, she threw a fit. I am actually really good with Vivine when she is acting up. I tend to parent best at the extremes - when she is either really happy or totally rotten. It's the subtle disobedience/whining/disrespect that turns me into Mommy Dearest. I remained quite calm during her meltdown. She was just starting to settle when we realized that, amidst all the drama, Bear had gone into her room, stolen her new Care Bear and disemboweled it on the living room floor. It was like teddy bear doomsday, with stuffing and little plastic beads everywhere. Well, Vivine lost it again, and here I am trying to get what was left of the Care Bear out of the dog's mouth and comfort a screaming child all the while just laughing on the inside because it's kind of funny how my house went from the calm temple of maturity that it was three months ago to the crazy zoo that it now is.

I proceeded to perform immediate reconstructive surgery, including rhinoplasty, on said Care Bear. I'm happy to report no limbs had to be amputated.



I wish I could say it got better after that, but the rest of the evening included Vivine's taking an hour to eat one slice of meatloaf and asking for candy until she fell asleep. As she was lying in bed, though, I gave her a kiss on the cheek, and she said, "Thanks, Mommy!" and kissed me back. Ain't life grand?

Updates (yes, I'm going to talk about Haiti. just deal.)

I'm emerging from my post-earthquake depression, thanks, in part, to the House of Hope directors' letting me help them out with a few administrative things. I might not be able to lift cinder blocks or amputate legs, but, by golly, I can write e-mails, answer phones and take notes as though the future of Haiti depended on it! Vivine has really enjoyed spending more time around the Americans she knew from Haiti. Today a beloved fellow Haiti-lover came over to our house for a visit. I felt like I was hosting a celebrity, and so did Vivine! We sat at the table and had tea and chocolates. Vivine was being so calm and well behaved. Then, suddenly, she went across the room and started jumping on the couch. At least she invited us to jump with her. What a great hostess!

PC is spending the weekend in a hotel in downtown St. Louis for a youth group event. Tonight was a hair-washing night, which I followed up with a little braiding. My cornrows are getting pretty good. All of the braids look nice except for one stubborn little punk that I have braided three times to no avail. It looks like a hairy, lumpy sausage. I am seriously considering trying again while she is asleep. I thought that tonight we might try to sleep in her bed since I could sleep the night in there with PC gone and all. Ha. It lasted about 5 minutes before Vivine distracted me by spitting up snot all over her pillow. (She's in the "expectorating" stage of a nice cold.) I foolishly took her to the bathroom to wipe her face. Once we left her bedroom, there was no going back in, and now she is sawing logs on my bed.

But it's not all frizz and snot around here. We had a precious moment today petting the dog on our bed. Vivine secretly loves Bear but for some reason does not want anyone to know, especially PC. In our bedroom today, she was hugging and kissing all over him. She kept asking me where Bear liked to be patted. On his head? His back? His tail? She even put a barrette in his hair. Of course, all of this was on the stipulation that I not tell Papi. Which, technically, I haven't done.

Finally, here's the e-mail update I wrote for House of Hope today. Just in case you're interested:

Greetings from House of Hope! By now, everyone knows that a devastating earthquake hit Haiti on Jan. 12, 2010, a day that has forever changed the country we love and the people we serve. In the last 10 days, we have been overwhelmed with e-mails, phone calls, drop-in visitors and offerings of help that are too many to count. We haven’t responded to everyone yet because our first priority has been communicating with our staff in Haiti and ensuring their safety. We plan to send regular updates over e-mail starting today and continuing at least twice a week so all of our supporters can stay informed. Here is some information about the state of House of Hope and our efforts to relieve the suffering of people in Haiti.

Status in Haiti

No one at the house was seriously injured during the earthquake. Praise God! The house itself in Haiti sustained some structural damage and cannot be occupied. Also, part of our security wall was knocked down. The children and the staff are staying in makeshift tents in the yard outside the house. We can enter the house to retrieve supplies, but we try to keep that to a minimum. The house has a supply of food and a working water well, along with some hygiene and first aid supplies. We are discreetly offering help to our neighbors. We have to be careful not to attract the attention of looters. Please pray for the security of everyone who is staying on our property. The American work team that was in Haiti when the earthquake hit arrived safely home on Sunday, Jan. 17.

Priorities for recovery

After assuring the girls’ safety and wellbeing, our next priority is to repair the structural damage to the house. Carl Vorst is traveling with a very small group to Haiti to assess the damage and come up with a rebuilding plan. After that, our priority is to collect needed supplies for our girls and find a way to safely get them to Haiti. Then, we plan to rebuild the homes of our staff and neighbors. All of the staff at House of Hope lost their homes, and many of our neighbors are in great need. We will need substantial funds to accomplish those goals, but we think we can do it based on the enormous outpouring of support we have already received and hope to continue to receive.

Ways you can help

Right now, our greatest needs are for financial contributions to help with rebuilding and for donations of supplies. Our needs list is attached at the bottom of this e-mail. We also need a way to get our supplies into Haiti and storage space for goods in the St. Louis area. Many people have asked about going on work team trips to Haiti to assist with earthquake relief. Right now, it is not safe for a work team to travel to Haiti. We will take only small groups of essential personnel until the security situation improves. Once we begin work trips, we will give first priority to people with skills and experience in construction and engineering. We are drafting a work team application for anyone who is interested in traveling to Haiti in the next year. If you have already e-mailed or called asking about work trips, you should receive an application soon. If you would like an application, please e-mail and request one from Lynde Langdon at LMLangdon@sbcglobal.net.

The future of our girls

Since the earthquake, there have been many stories and rumors about orphans, including those at House of Hope, traveling to the United States. It is true that we are investigating safe and legal ways to get our children out of Haiti, but no opportunity has presented itself yet except for two of our girls who were in the adoption process prior to the earthquake. We ask everyone to respect the privacy and vulnerability of our children when talking about these matters with people you know. If you want to know whether a rumor is true, just ask us! Any placement of children in U.S. homes will be overseen by a qualified adoption attorney and the board of House of Hope.

Many people have stated they are interested in fostering or adopting a child from Haiti. In any adoption or foster proceeding, parents must either have a foster care license in their state or have completed the home study process and been approved for adoption by a state-licensed agency. If you are interested in adoption, you can contact LMLangdon@sbcglobal.net for more information. Anyone who has expressed an interest already will soon receive a screening questionnaire to complete. This questionnaire is not an application for adoption, but rather a way for us to determine who could possibly support our children in the event we can bring them to the United States.

Communication

Look for e-mails similar to this one at least twice weekly. Also, look for regular mail newsletter updates. If you would like to offer help, donations, or supplies, please e-mail cvorst@charter.net or call 314-344-4368. You can also become a fan of House of Hope on Facebook or follow Matt Davids’s blog at www.2yearsinhaiti.blogspot.com. If you know people who would like to be added to this e-mail list, send their e-mail address to LMLangdon@sbcglobal.net. At this point, we ask that you please not call the Vorsts’ house to ask for updated information about the orphanage. Their landline has been ringing “off the hook,” and we need to keep it open so that our staff in Haiti can reach us.

Prayer requests

Pray for our manager, Angelo, that God will give him strength and wisdom to manage the house through this crisis. He also lost his home in the earthquake.

Pray for the security and safety of our children and staff.

Pray that God shows us a way to get supplies safely to the house.

Pray that two of our children who were in the process of being adopted can receive visas to come to the United States and join their forever family.

Pray for wisdom and strength for Carole and Carl Vorst and the board members of Amer-Haitian Bon Zami.

Pray for all of our neighbors and God’s children in Haiti who are suffering, that God will quickly bring them the help they need.

Needs list

Shampoo, soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, washcloths, deodorant, first aid supplies (band-aids, first aid cream, antibiotic cream, alcohol wipes), plastic jars of peanut butter, dried milk, canned proteins such as tuna and chicken, and monetary donations (please make checks out to "AHBZ.") Donations of items can be delivered to: 11146 Morrow Drive, St. Ann, MO 63074. Monetary donations can be mailed to: AHBZ, P.O. Box 45298, St. Louis, MO. 63145

Thoughts on Haiti

In the days since the Haiti earthquake, I have been feeling quite blue. I donated money. I asked others to donate money. Beyond that, there is not much I can do. But that doesn't stop me from spending hours glued to CNN and combing the Internet, believing that if I just think about it hard enough, I will uncover the key to making it all better. That type of thinking nearly killed me during the adoption process. I know in my head that worrying and dwelling on something will not make it better, but my heart says, "Worry! Dwell! Wallow! And if you don't, then you're not a good person." I feel guilty for doing anything that takes my attention away from Haiti. It's just hard to enjoy life when I don't know how things are going to turn out for the people I love down there.

Still, I'm trying to cheer up and focus on the hope that, in the long run, Haiti will emerge from this tragedy in much better shape than before. How can it not, with all of the international help it is (finally) getting? I try to remember that by raising Vivine and keeping her healthy and happy, I am doing my little part for the people in Haiti. Because of us, Vivine's family in Haiti can hope for a much brighter future for her than if she had stayed down there. And, I'm trying to accept that even though I'm not down in Haiti feeding the hungry and tending to the sick, I am, most likely, right where God wants me to be.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore..." Revelation 21:3-4

You can do better (than us)

Yesterday morning, PC posted this update on Facebook:

We've decided to give over half our savings to help Haiti. This was our "emergency fund." I think the Haiti earthquake qualifies.

We received lots of ooos and ahhhs over this gift. I don't want anyone to think that PC and I are setting some sort of record. "Half our savings" was only $2,000. That's less than some people's house payments (not ours, thank God).

Also, I get the impression that some people think PC and I did this really unusual and amazing thing. The whole reason that we "went public" about this donation is because we don't want our gift to be so unusual and amazing. We really hope that our friends and family will respond and make our contribution seem downright piddly. Here are some of the reasons PC and I made the decision to give what we gave. I hope this will help you to see that for a normal family to write a big check ($1,000 or more) to help Haiti is possible, easy, and - dare I say - obligatory?

The money that we gave to House of Hope came out of what I call our "Emergency Fund." PC and I try to keep between $3,000 and $4,000 in savings for a rainy day. (Lots of personal finance gurus suggest this, and it was totally do-able during five years of Double-Income-No-Kids.) Mainly, we use our Emergency Fund to pay for car repairs. In reality, I can't think of any emergency in this world for which PC and I could not find help if needed. We have insurance out the wazoo. All of our extended family is in good financial shape, too. Not to mention that we have a church that has overwhelmed us with its generous support of our family. Basically, our Emergency Fund is a convenience that spares us the embarrassment of having to ask others for help when we need it.

PC and I talked a lot last night about how good we have it, and how, even if we hit "hard times," we would still be a million times better off than everyone in Haiti. We talked about whether God was calling us to help out financially vs. making donations of goods or our time. The fact is, neither of us have a lot of time to give, especially now that we have Vivine. We aren't doctors, nurses, or carpenters who can help out with relief in Haiti. If we go down there, we will just add to the number of mouths to feed. If we buy stuff and donate it, we know that, in reality, it will be months before that stuff gets to Haiti. What are we going to do, FedEx it? (As a side note, PC and I don't believe in giving our second-hand goods to the poor in Haiti. It's not their fault they're poor, so why should they have to wear our crappy old shirts? We always buy new for Haiti and give our old stuff to a local thrift store, where people know what they're getting and are willing to pay for it.)

Money is what we have, so money is what we're giving. Or, better put, God gave us money, so we are giving it to Haiti. I hope you will sit down with your family and have a similar discussion soon. Don't try to buy more time by saying that you need to pray about it. I guarantee you 100 percent that God wants you to give as much money as you can to Haiti. If anything, all of us, including PC and me, should pray for forgiveness because at the end of the day we could be doing more and we aren't.

Sad

What can I say about the tragedy in Haiti? I'm just so freaking sad. Sure, I have a sort of global compassion for all the people who are suffering down there. And I mean suffering, y'all. If you had been to Haiti and seen the way these buildings are made - as soon as I heard there was a 7.0 earthquake, I knew PAP would be demolished. Half the buildings there were ready to fall down any second without the help of an earthquake. I've watched workers in Haiti hand-grind stones into mortar to stick together the cinder blocks that make up all the homes. So primitive, and so ready to come crashing down.

Who is trapped underneath those blocks? We know the girls in Vivine's orphanage are safe. What about our lawyer, who brought Vivine home to us? What about the pastor of her church? The young man who drove us up the mountain to get some ice cream at the Baptist mission? The artist who painted all the artwork in our home? And, most of all, what about Vivine's birthmother?

I haven't written about Vivine's birth family because I believe in keeping those details private and letting Vivine decide who can know what, and when. But I think I can say, without divulging too much, that I love Vivine's birth mother, and I know she loves me. I know some adoptive parents don't have relationships with their children's birth parents, for lots of reasons. Maybe they are angry at the birth parents for causing harm to their child. Maybe they worry about birth parents wanting to "take back" their kids. But from the moment I met Vivine's birth mother, I knew she and I were united in our strong desire to give Vivine the best life possible. Once after meeting with other members of Vivine's family, she and I walked hand-in-hand back to the van. She, too, got frustrated with the adoption process and would ask Angelo, the head of the orphanage, why it was taking so long.

I want to be able to take Vivine back to Haiti so she can always know this wonderful person who gave her life. I want Vivine's birth mother to know that I was faithful to the work she started as Vivine's mom but couldn't finish. And, right now, I just want to know that she's okay. But I don't know, and it might be a long while before I do. So, while I have a sense of global compassion for the people of Haiti, I've also got this painful sadness and feeling of despair that I haven't felt before in situations like this one.

We haven't talked to Vivine at all about the earthquake. We decided not to discuss it until we know the status of her family in Haiti. Vivine has so much on her little emotional plate. We don't want to add another weight unless it's absolutely necessary.

If you are wondering what you can do, for God's sake, send money. We all have it, and they all need it. Give money to the Red Cross, World Vision or to Amer-Haitian Bon Zami, Vivine's orphanage. If you think your "drop-in-the-bucket" donation doesn't make a difference, you're wrong. Haiti was dirt poor to begin with, so every effort at recovery from this tragedy is going to have to come from outside sources. The basics of life in Haiti - water, food and fuel - are going to be very expensive and hard to get. Even before the tragedy, it cost tons of money to get supplies into Haiti. Now, it will be even harder and cost even more. Haiti is going to need lots of support for a long time. If all they do is rise up to their pre-earthquake status, they will still need support. I know Americans tend to worry about sending their money to the "right place" or that it will get into the "right hands." Just accept that the Haitians' need for help outweighs your need to control what happens with your money, and write a check.